Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
