just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
