You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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