I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
