would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
