she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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