She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i think i just lost a toe
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
