Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
whose parrot is this?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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