i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
