It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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