can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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