Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
