So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
