I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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