I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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