you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
