And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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