I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
