i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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