glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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