my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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