sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
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