Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
