She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
