she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
