I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
