How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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