I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
