Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%