i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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