come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out