So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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