I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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