Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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