My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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