I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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