Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
