wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
