Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
