Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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