so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
