You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
