Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
