When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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