the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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