I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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