I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think my moral compass just broke
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