I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
