if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
