i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
