I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
