so explain again why im purple
no
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
