she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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