ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
