If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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