I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
