So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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