i was born a porn star she said
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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