I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize