You smell like a Billy Joel song
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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