So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize