ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
