plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
