i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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