So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Boobs speak an international language.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
