Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Shame is for Republicans.
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