96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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