Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You've changed since you got that strap on
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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