Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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