I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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