it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
