Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize