I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
