I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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