I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
