i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
