I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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